best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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