dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
