Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
