im drinking this country out of the recession.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
