i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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