I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
