Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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