why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
