Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
