forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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