i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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