does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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