Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
