would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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