Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
