k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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