Sacagawea was the original milf.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
