I got her a Nickelback box set.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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