That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
