yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
