The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
