Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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