apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
