She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
