you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
