We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
