Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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