i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
