yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
