my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
