I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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