the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
