Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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