in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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