did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish you could order shots online.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
