making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
