I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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