I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So much Jack, so little girl.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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