No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
