Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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