You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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