I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize