I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
