based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
thus making me awesome and them whores
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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