Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
