my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
