$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize