Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
