Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
