ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
