I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
