her vagine was all disorganized.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
