i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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