cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
