Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
