So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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