Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
