my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What a dumb baby whore.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
