your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize