i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
