ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
