K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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