Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
