I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
