Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
