look no pants
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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