so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it was like eating out sand paper
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
