Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Watching her eat just hurts me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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