so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize