New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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