dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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