When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
