i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Porn is love you can see.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
