This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
