Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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