I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
