do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm like, not good at living.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
