he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize