i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
