Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
