I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
