didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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