She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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