guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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