We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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