Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was born a porn star she said
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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