hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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