I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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