Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
