a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
