She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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