I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
BRING THE BAGELS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize