ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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