Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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