Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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