Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
