went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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