You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize