Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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