I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's just like the Real World with babies
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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