YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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