I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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