the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
