in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
