Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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