susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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