i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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