You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
